I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
