I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
