I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
