DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize