my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
