yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
