Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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