i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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