I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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