you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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