I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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