the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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