the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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