well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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