so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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