remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
