the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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