I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
