I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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