she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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