I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
