lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
