So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
