You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
