Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
