i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
