I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
