I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
