Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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