Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
