just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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