I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
