he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
