I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
just found out that she named her cat after me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize