I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
