You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
