He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize