Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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