Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
