i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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