I hate your face
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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