Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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