i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
