Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
