yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
