He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
