my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
