they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
