i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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