Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
