I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
