8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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