you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
