I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
