...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize