i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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