Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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