took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
