Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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