don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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