Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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